Random Random: Five Twitter No No`s

Retweeting about someone`s death, without actually checking they`re dead. (Done it - fell for a scam between a Evertonian and a LFC  supporter and tweeted that John Barnes was dead - he wasn`t it was a dad winding his son up, I just happened to overhear .. and ... I got death threats for 2 weeks)


Third party add - ons that tweet when someone`s stopped following you. Look, they don`t like your shit, and they`ve  chosen to move on. It really makes you look like a 5 year old when you `rat them out` for not liking it when you flood  their timeline with 500 tweets about gaining new followers by following back some bot. (Slow handclap)

Language. Too many swear words in every tweet just puts people off you (and yup, been there - and got told off for it too!) Oh , and while I`m here, people who tweet like they text should have their thumbs shot off. Tweeting three sentences of totally abbreviated text speak belies the linguistic prowess of a common moron. You ought to be on Big Brother, put down your iphone and fuck off.


Never ending promotion. Okay. There`s something about you I thought might be cool to check out. Ah, you`re musician / DJ / artist / blogger whatever. Cool. But when it comes to tweeting your wares, I get 5 identical tweets in a row.... then an hour later it`s the SAME fucking tweet, only now it`s 8 in a row ..  I actually turned on a follower who did this day after day - they got it sorted and now we`re cool. But if you`re in the business of getting bums on seats - I wouldn`t fuck them off  by being a famebot. [Using a robot to get you fame]


Follower envy. When i first got to grips with twitter - I couldn`t work out why some people had 10,000 followers and I couldn`t get past 25 for fucking ages. Looking closely afterwards a lot of them were following  10,000. I call these species the pokemons. Fuck what twitter has to offer as a rich social experience - nah, I`d rather collect people. What baffles me is ,  how can you follow a timeline of THAT many people? If all these people have followed you - because you follow back - then it`s not you they`re interested in. If thats`s the case .... why tweet? If you`ve got 30 people who actually care about what you say, how does that comapare to 10,000 who don`t?

Hey, I`m no twitter guru by any means and my stats are modest in terms of followers, but from getting close to having a twitter account for a year, I have internally formed these five golden rules to keep me from being a total idiot. I hope they keep you out of trouble..

(Yes, I am swearing a lot in this post .. (In regards to rule 3) ....Oh shite.